This is the section that I am least sure about. I really want to write it, I think that it may well turn out to be the most important part of the site. But (and this is a big but) I do not know what I am going to write, or who I am aiming it or any of those things that you are meant to know before you start to write. Basically, what I'm going to do is just sit and type and see how it turns out.
Actually, I tell a slight lie. I know a few of the basic things that I want to write.
The person who introduced himself as Stephen on the main homepage mentioned having an alter ego. This page, and various others that will follow, are meant to be an explanation of that. My alter ego is called Ellen. Stephen is a crossdresser.
(A small aside here - throughout this piece I will refer to Stephen and Ellen in the third person and as if they were two separate personalities. It is merely a linguistic device that I use to differentiate between 'Stephen in trousers' and 'Stephen in a skirt'. It is not meant to represent any deep psychological problems. It does go a lot deeper than this, obviously. There are some differences between Stephen and Ellen that are more than just what is being worn. But, essentially, Stephen and Ellen are two facets of the same person. So, Stephen is 'he', Ellen is 'she'. That just leaves one important question. Who is 'I'?)
Actually, the phrase 'Stephen is a crossdresser' is the first of the places where I come across difficulties. I find the whole concept of labelling wrong. It is something I will discuss further on a separate page on labels.
The picture at the top of the page is, if you hadn't already guessed, of Ellen. It shows, I hope, that I have no interest in 'dragging up' like Lily Savage or someone. (I really HATE Lily Savage.) What I am interested in is putting across the appearance of an 'ordinary' feminine person. (I hesitate to use the word 'female' for several reasons. Firstly, almost none of the 'ordinary' (i.e. real) women I know dress in the way that Ellen dresses. Secondly, I think that the word I may be trying to avoid using is 'stereotypical'. As in: 'the stereotypical female wears makeup, dresses and skirts, tights or stockings, high heeled shoes and lacy lingerie'.)
What I have written so far, is all well and good, but it isn't talking about all the really 'juicy' stuff. So, I'll try and cover some of that now. Firstly, I am not gay. Homosexuality is something that (apart from some adolescent experimentation) has never appealed. It's not that I have a problem with it, it's just that I have never found another man sexually attractive. Wearing feminine clothing is not something that I do to get a sexual thrill. It makes me comfortable, happy and relaxed. Yes, if I wear something pretty and sexy then I feel pretty and sexy, but, isn't that the main reason that women buy pretty, sexy clothes? Wearing clothes to 'get a man' comes, as far as I can tell, a pretty poor second, behind feeling good about yourself.
Similarly, I do not want a sex change operation. I am happy and comfortable with my physical gender. There is a huge difference between crossdressing/transvestism and transsexuality. I have nothing but admiration for people (I've met a couple) who are prepared to go through what is an extremely traumatic, painful and - on the whole - unpleasant operation, but there is absolutely no way in hell that I would do it.
The other point that I think is really fairly important, is the fact that I am very open about my crossdressing. I have told just about everyone - my parents, Sean - my brother, Candy - my partner, the vast majority of friends (I can't actually think of any of my friends who don't know) and my colleagues at work. I have had uniformly positive reactions that range from the 'oh, are you? Okay' variety to the 'Wow! That's amazing! Tell me more!' This tells me one of two things. Either I am very good at choosing my friends (and even I am not that big-headed to think that) or most people are less bothered about it than you would think. I think (I hope!) that it is the second of these two options.
Over the last few years there have been a few high-profile crossdressers - from Lily Savage (although I hate her, she has done a lot to highlight the existence of the crossdresser - no matter how badly!) to Eddie Izzard (who is almost the coolest man in the entire universe). This is why I urge all of my 'sisters' to come out. To paraphrase the Godfather of Soul: "Say it loud and say it proud - I wear feminine clothes and I'm proud!"
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